I have often wondered why is it that, the reactions of some people is so predictive? Why is it that some people are so popular & loved while people with much more charisma and talent are not? Well the most obvious conclusion is that they are nice people. But come-on guys they are humans, the do get angry, they too get irritated then how do they still manage to be in the good books of everyone? Don’t worry I did not go on a quest to discover the truth. It simply fell on my lap.
My personal & professional circle is quite big, thankfully! Having discussed this with a bunch successful individuals; thought sharing their thoughts would help many people change their personalities to earn the much deserved appreciation and love of others. These esteemed bunch of successful people call it ‘the art of camouflaging your expressions/thoughts’. People do that all the time; the difference is we never observe. Remember your teenage days you went to your mom or dad and confessed of doing something unethical. You expected a tight slap or some beating. But to your surprise they coolly ask you to explain why you did it and shared their thoughts on why what you did was so wrong. What they actually did was camouflaged their anger and took stalk of the situation. Maybe that’s the reason why we can never hate our parents! We continue loving them and hope to become half as good as them. The question is can you apply this ‘Funda’ elsewhere? I think pretty much YES.
Now remember merely controlling your facial expressions does not work, you will also need some sort of voice modulation since obviously you need to ‘MEAN BUSINESS’ here. Also, you will need to react in a different way with people belonging to different strata or the kind of relationships you have with them. With your juniors/laborers or for that matter even your children it makes sense to give them respect first (because that is what they thrive for) and speak to them in a tone where you make them realize that ‘this is a two way relationship – no one is doing a favor on either’. Eye contact is important, NO fist clenching, staring, teeth grinding or any other signs of range when you speak to them. Preferably take them to a casual surrounding listen to them first and then share your thoughts. The idea is to make them ‘REALISE’ that what was done is ‘WRONG’ and now you need to ‘RECTIFY’ this and ‘NEVER REPEAT’ it again.
While dealing with elders, you need to adopt the reverse psychology though. Here, first you need to listen to them. Understand ‘WHAT THEY WANT AND WHY?’. Again look at them into the eye don’t stare. NEVER pound your foot or CRIB to get your way. NO TEARS please that is a very old trick, which is redundant now. ‘REASON OUT’ Give them five reasons why you need this and how it will help you as well as them. Your tone must be firm but not harsh. A big ‘No’ to hand gestures as well. The result will be unimaginable, if not an immediate yes, you will always be given a chance to prove yourself.
If you receive criticism from them, don’t let your expression speak volumes with frown lines on your forehead or a sign of disgust on your face or a look that personifies your denial. Simply say ‘Thanks for your feedback. Appreciated! I will keep that in mind’ You will be amazed at how this will work. Your subordinates will look up to you as a ‘HUMBLE AND AN APPROACHABLE’ person. Your peers will look at you as a person with a POSITIVE ATTITUE. Words like ‘THANK YOU’, ‘EXCUSE ME PLEASE’, ‘SORRY’ ‘HOW ARE YOU?’ ‘DO YOU NEED SOME HELP’ ‘HOW CAN I HELP YOU’ are very handy.
Somehow we all have these in-build qualities in us. However, this fast paced life and cut throat competition has forced us to become ‘MONSTERS’ as bosses or ‘GOLD DIGGERS’ as subordinates. Remember that you CAN be friends with your subordinates/children/family and yet be at the TOP. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS LEARN TO CAMOUFLAG!