Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Confessions to my diary!

Dear Diary,

You are the only person who I can pour my heart to…you listen to me and understand me. As a matter of fact you even give me advice. So here’s my problem…

You like him. He likes you. But he doesn’t want to commit. He’s happy with the arrangement now. You taking the initiative, you listening to him, you fulfilling his wishes and fantasies, you spending your money, you planning, he relaxes, he resting since he ‘worked’ and last but not the least, you not asking him to spend time with you as you ‘understand’. Despite all this, he speaks to you ‘when he has time’. He meets you ‘when he has time’. He decides where to go and what to eat and so on and so forth.
So clearly from this, you feel that the MAN is demanding and the WOMAN here is a submissive good for nothing or should I say a prodigal woman. Now, this is where were women are so very wrong. In fact what we forget is that we stop being mindful of ourselves when we sacrifice things for people around us. It doesn’t matter if its your husband or boyfriend…do not forget ‘you’.

The funniest part is; despite all these when your H or BF starts ignoring you, you go out of the way to justify it. You will first check the traits of his sun sign and give the benefit of doubt. You will also check what to do to ensure that he is happy and also look for advice on how you need to react! If not then you will look at his workload, his schedule and justify why its ok for him not to call. Its ok for him not to respond. When it comes to clothes he would want you to cover your self up…but is ok ogling on other girls with skimpy clothes? Its ok for him to talk about his past relationships but it's not ok for you to even mention it. He will keep asking how has he been with you…and if you are mum…it means you are unappreciative. But when you ask him…and he doesn’t answer..it means ‘love and appreciation has to be felt’..better unsaid as it is pure! We usually put up with a lot of this rubbish and still end up forgiving them as we really want things to work…or rather it is expected from us as we are the ‘giving’ species.

The feeling of always being in fear of not to do something to upset him as he may leave forces you to do things you don’t want to is agonizing. The feeling of always being at the crossroads is scary. How to deal with it and what to do is a question no one can answer but yourself. Are you telling me that the quick fix is abstaining? If he has not kept in touch…let him be. I should stop stalking him? Never check his status, or check anything about him….like the last time he was online…his social media updates…nothing?… I think it will be super tough the first day…by the end of the 3rd day…I will be super sorted?

Wow, dear diary…that seems like a doable thing…I agree with you that what is yours will come back to you and will stay!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

4 signs that you need to moveon…business analysis of relationships

I am not a relationship expert. But sometimes when I look at people around me, I ask myself questions….when I can see it…why can’t they? I am sure that people will say the same things about me as well.

To give you a perspective, let's talk about the signs whether the person you like is into you? It will probably help you see things clearly and save yourself from some agony.

They say men are from mars and women are from venus. But to be honest, when you are in love or in a relationship or just having a fling, your mindset is never gender bias. When two individuals meet, one person's heart always beats faster than the other. Now that basically means, the person whose heart beats faster will always take that extra effort to be closer to the other person. Finer things like greeting the person the first thing in the morning, checking on them, complimenting them, encouraging them to speak about themselves, sharing the most sacred moments and memories.... among many other things…The other individual will always have the advantage to ‘choose’. Does this mean that the person who is smitten is an ‘idiot’. Not really!  He/She is what I call the ‘Angel Investor’ in the relationship. Expectations are clear…but is there a guarantee it will fly ‘not really. But still, they take the ‘leap of faith’. On the other hand, the other party is what I call ‘Opportunist’. Now how different are both of them and how would you know as an “Angel Investor’ when to pull out from this relationship before it bleeds you is very interesting.
                                               Source:Google Images

You know when our Angel Investor (AI) sees some sort of spark in the ‘opportunist’ which he/she believes is worth pursuing that’s when they invest the three most important things – Time, emotions and monetary aspects. The AI doesn't look for any reasons to delay, default or for that matter event be stingy to spend these three things on the relationship they wish to nurture. On the other had the Opportunist has honestly nothing to lose. They know that the basic headache is that of the AI as their investment is at stake. They will go with the flow. They get all their perks, salaries and if need be work a little to show that ‘the investment is worth something’. In many cases, both the parties work and nurture the relationship and the barter is always equal. In such cases, you will see a successful relationship. This usually culminates into a relationship where they believe in nurturing a family. In some cases, although both the parties put in equal efforts beyond a point they realise that their goals are different and being in this relationship will not keep either of them happy. Such couples part amicably i.e. equally sharing the profits and losses.

Now let’s move on to the most complicated issue. When the Angel Investor believes that this is a good investment and the Opportunist is just making hay while the sun shines. During this scenario, the AI invests wholeheartedly. The AI always makes time to meet ‘O’, is usually quite accommodating to understand the problems faced by ‘O’ for not delivering, meeting, responding or acknowledging. AI will always have that ‘one reason’ why they must invest. But the ‘O’ will have 10 reasons for not doing things. So how can the AI see the signs? Actions speak louder than words. Some motherhood statements are said for the ‘heck’ of it. They mean something.

First thumb rule. Engagement and conversations are key to a healthy relationship. ‘No one is too busy for a call or a chat’. Anyone who prefers keeping the communication gap and differences has not intentions of nurturing a relationship.

Updates. Now, this seems like a business term. But in relationships as well, when you look forward to sharing every aspect of your day, it means this person is looking up to you for advice, care and love. For this purpose, keeping in touch regularly is a must.
Knowing the key stakeholders. When someone introduces them to their close circle then it hints that you are important in their life. It means that the investment the AI has made is becoming an integral part of their life.

Accountability. Now, this is a tricky one. The ‘O’ knows that ‘AI’ is actually convinced that the investment is good. But if ‘O’ says it’s their call, I will check if this suits me, I will take the shots, I am not accountable for any expectations or assumptions made by AI then this is a warning signal for the AI.

There could be multiple other signals but these are primary signals that you as an AI will need to watch out for. Investment of Time, emotions and money have to made very selectively. It has to be equal. There has to be a level of mindfulness at every step. If you feel that at any given point your self-respect and integrity are at stake…pull out.

As an AI there is a higher risk of losing your investment. The bigger danger is when you lose more than your investment. Hence see the signs and pull out immediately. If the ‘O’ realizes and tries to come back, you set the rules. If a single rule is breached walk out…never to turn back….it hurts and hurts bad….but when you walk with your head-up….you move on easily!

Monday, February 19, 2018

Growing up!

One day we just cross paths, destiny is what I thought
Flawless English and good orator, can take this forward I thought
We spoke, we spoke again, its nice to finally meet a person you can converse with I thought
Then we became a part of each other’s day, it’s a good feeling I thought
You warned me, don’t have expectations, I don’t have at the moment I thought
Meeting was great, super bonding, what’s the harm in taking the leap of faith I thought
Days went by, our bonding grew, hey its nice we are getting to know each other I thought
Met your friends and family, maybe he really likes me I thought
Shared his every problem and predicament with me, he trusts me I thought
Worked through his tough times hand in hand, I like him I thought
He appreciated every small aspect of my contribution, he loves me I thought
Stops doing the small things he used to do, he’s too tensed with his work I thought
Spoke lesser every day, he is too busy I thought
Didn’t speak for few days in a row, moms unwell so he’s tensed I thought
Stopped speaking, subtly its over but I need closure I thought
Never responds to any message, he wants to say in person I thought
Met him personally, didn’t show any remorse, Coward I realized
A lesson well learnt I thought
All that shines is not gold I realized
Destiny will make you cross paths with people who will leave you in a lurch
You need to keep your chin up and move on I realized

Life is too short, learn the lesson, grow-up!

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Different versions of your Valentine….!!

The Human life cycle is very unique. The whole concept of love changes with time.
There is a point in time when your sibling getting a slightly bigger piece of cake makes you feel that your parents love you less. When your sibling speaks to his/her friend makes you think they love you less everything revolves around your family. Then comes a phase when ‘that look’ ‘that smile’ ‘that attention’ matters the most in the world. It’s that ‘first time’ love experience that matters the most over and above your family and friends. At this point in time, if it blossoms it’s like the world is at your feet and if it crumbles it’s your first heart break…..which for some is easier to get over and for some it’s an itch for life!

As much as the stage of your teens is usually when you first experience love, which actually are all those wretched hormones playing their games, I personally believe it’s the purest form of unconditional love. Worst part of
Source:Google Images
this period is that you are ready to put up all the possible quirks of your valentine. That is why I believe that people marrying and having a lovely life with their childhood sweethearts are the luckiest. Having survived all the stages is indeed a blessing.

The next stage of your 20’s is quite tricky. That’s when you are mentally still a kid, a carefree person, full of energy, but you are expected to grow up! Look for a job, be responsible among other worldly pressures imposed on you. During this period, you look for a person who is smart, dynamic, adventitious, go-getter, talkative and so called ‘full of life’.  Everything about this person has to be about the perception he/she creates about themselves in their circle. Usually you will find people blending better with their workplace mates. The common belief is since I spend so much time with them, they know me. They understand me. We share similar interests. Thus, when you meet someone like this, and you are under family pressure you think, hey since I spend time with this person, I think I like him…how much will it take to love him…ya…maybe after marriage I will love him…afterall marriage is all about knowing each other more…..Valentines day at this stage is all about holidays, partying, boozing, hooping party places, pubbing, clubbing etc.

The next stage is your 30’s when you are mentally and financially stronger. A person who knows their priorities and preference. A person who has a clear idea about their ‘valentine’. At this stage, a girl looks out for a person who will respect, her, give her the freedom she needs, give her a comfortable life and enforce his likes & dislikes on her. A guy will look for a woman who can share the responsibility, be independent, be more responsible and look good. Valentine’s day at this stage will mean partying at the best places, sit down dinners, holidaying, diamonds, boozing and clubbing. Usually your valentine is a person who is hot and super fun to be with.

The next stage is your 40’s when you are event more stronger mentally and financially but most importantly you are extremely practical. Your threshold to listen to gibberish & nonsense is limited. You prefer being with someone who you can have meaningful conversations, you look for a person who can sees into your soul. You look at people who enjoy the serenity of nature, the serendipity of falling in love with your immaterial personality, understand conversations, have fun but in moderation, enjoy soul searching and last but not the least, make sure you have your individuality! Valentines day at this stage will mean, giving a tight hug and an outing at a cozy place or what better than your house!  If its an outing, its usually to a place where there will be soft music in the background, good food, wine and some diamonds to bring some sparkle in the eyes of your lady love.

In your 50s’ if you have the same zeal, you will re-live your 40s’ here. Nothing much changes until you are 58. But honestly, the moment you take steps closer to your 60’s you just want to appreciate your better half or just become extremely critical of your partner. Your valentine will be the person you love to argue, fight, mother, care, smother with love, and relive the life of caring for your kids which now is none other than your better half. Your Valentines day is usually sitting next to each other looking at the sunset, sipping a cup of hot tea and munching some biscuits. Talking away to glory about how time passes by and how you are blessed to have each other. How you would’ve done things a little different or how would have life been if they were not in your life…….and that my dear friend is the true Valentine that our soul searches right from the first time we experience love. We never realize that the true person who has seen our soul, who has accepted us with our quirks….just like how our parents did when we were kids, just like we loved our parents despite all the scolding…..unconditional and pure!

Monday, October 9, 2017

Speak to me….I am always listening…

Many a times in our lives we just let go…it could be something we liked, it could be an idea of a vacation, it could be a much desired dish we wanted to eat that day, it could be a piece of jewellery we always wanted, it could be meeting an old friend, it could be a dream job we wanted, it could be a dream we wanted to pursue….just because we thought this was not meant to be!

We love telling to ourselves…IT WAS NOT MEANT TO BE….and messing our head in the future that ‘WHAT IF I HAD CHOSEN THAT PATH’ ‘WISH I HAD TAKEN A FIRM STANCE’….we keep giving reasons to ourselves for why it was best for us then. Not once we tell ourselves, ‘ITS NEVER TOO LATE’. We usually give ten reasons why we cannot have it. WHY DON’T WE GIVE OURSELVES THAT ONE REASON WHY WE WANT IT AND WE SHOULD TAKE THE LEAP OF FAITH!

In life, we usually believe that if there is a slightest doubt of failure, it’s better not to tread that path. For once we should ask ourselves what could be the worst case scenario. Experiencing failure, heart-breaks etc is a part of life. But atleast you know what went wrong. If you don’t try, if you don’t take the leap of faith you will never know what success or failure tastes like. There is a quote I read somewhere…if you want to really learn and come up with a fantastic idea, visit the graveyard of businesses. You will find so many learnings, you will fine so many stories which will give you good perspectives. You know the good thing of all this is you will know ‘WHAT NOT TO DO’ you will know ‘WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT IN A PERSON’ you will know ‘WHO TO TRUST’ and many such things what people will not tell you but their experiences and failures will tell you. Again this will not guarantee success. But at least it will make you wise.
                                                 Image Source:GoogleImages

In relationships too, we always aspire to fall in love with the person for their quirks and then try to change those very quirks! We never believe in conversations, we never believe in talking out to the people who matter so much to you….and we conveniently just let them go away…and suddenly the person who you used to start your day with and end your day with becomes a total stranger….The concept of closures, the concept of understanding each other’s quirks, simple conversations is lost. Worst…. technology has made relationships emotionless! You believe in sharing your emotions through smilies and emojis but do you mean it? No one knows. If there is something you messaged or left a voice call on how you feel which is being mis-interpreted, people don’t even bother to check is this what you meant? Rather they just prefer to let GO! Is it that people had vested interests and since they realized they are not going to get what they wanted they ‘conveniently’ just LET GO!


Monday, March 27, 2017

Open your Heart...and love will happen!

I waited all night to wish you in the morning
I waited all morning to know what you ate for lunch
I waited all noon to hear your voice in the evening
I waited all evening to talk to you till I sleep
A cheer and happiness in doing this was far from unknown
A feeling I felt like never before…
I felt complete, I felt liberated, I felt on top of the world
The glow on my skin, the zeal in my soul, the beat of my heart echoed it all
I knew I was not supposed to fall in love
I knew I was not supposed to expect
I knew this was a mirage…yet it felt so surreal!
Its only when it crumbled, it hits you hard
Its only when it crumbled, you experience pain
Its only when crumbled, you feel bereaved
Its only when it crumbled, you realise all your efforts were in vain
Today I am stronger, I stand tall
I have learnt to get-up after that great fall
It is the courage from within which helped me take the leap of faith
It is the courage that helped me to learn from it all
Worthy is the woman who doesn’t pity her self
Worthy is the woman who takes responsibility for her decisions
Worthy is the woman who does not regret
Its not a shame to fall, but it’s a shame to not raise again
So open your heart once again my girl

Your good days have begun and everything will be good!
Love will happen again...

Friday, March 24, 2017

When I wanted to bond….

Being an accommodating person sometimes can be a curse. It is misconstrued as a person who does not have an opinion. A person, who is incapable of proving his or her stance in a discussion/debate. A person you can manipulate, insult, belittle, ignore, abuse etc…all simply because he or she just understands you and doesn’t want a conflict or to hurt you.  So the question is, Is it good to be an understanding person in a relationship? Are these traits required only for a woman?

I read a good post today : A daughter tells her father, “Dad I don’t think I will be a good daughter or a daughter in-law or wife’. Her father asked her ‘Why’ she replied ‘Because I will not compromise in my life’. This speaks volumes about the role we women play in our lives. When we are kids, our parents will always say, ‘Don’t laugh loudly, girls should not do that’, “Its ok if you don’t get a new dress’, Learn to live without some things’ ‘Try to be low maintenance, your husband will be happy’ ‘Don’t voice your opinions, its not good to be opinionated’ “When you ask for permission for a picnic or travel' the standard answer is 'Go with your husband" and many more such preposterous statements. Can anyone in this world understand a woman’s predicament?

When you are looking for a guy to get married, he makes a statement, I am an average Joe, you cannot have any perception of me but I do have my strong views and thoughts. You cannot influence me or tell me your quirks, I will not buy yours but you will have to accept me the way I am. Can someone please tell me 'how are you supposed to react?' Isn’t it a simple equation, I am a human, I am a person of character, I will have a certain way of living life which are in-line with the way I am bought up. If you have liked me then you have to accept me the way I am and not mold me into someone I am not. I will not want you to change your way of life. All I will want you to do is respect me and love me….bond with me like we are meant to be together for life…

Remember if we end up together, all we will have is each other. It is the ability to make conversations that will keep us alive. It is the ability to have accepted each other the way we are that will change the words ‘tolerating each other’ to ‘loving and bonding with each other’. We will need to discover each other with each passing day. That is all I am asking from you. You never understood me, probably never wanted me, probably got bored of me….I don’t know….all I wanted was to bond with you. I was just being me….there was no pretense……..but I guess after you said Enough of the niceties….I just gave up!