I am not a relationship expert. But sometimes when I look at people around me, I ask myself questions….when I can see it…why can’t they? I am sure that people will say the same things about me as well.
To give you a perspective, let's talk about the signs whether the person you like is into you? It will probably help you see things clearly and save yourself from some agony.
They say men are from mars and women are from venus. But to be honest, when you are in love or in a relationship or just having a fling, your mindset is never gender bias. When two individuals meet, one person's heart always beats faster than the other. Now that basically means, the person whose heart beats faster will always take that extra effort to be closer to the other person. Finer things like greeting the person the first thing in the morning, checking on them, complimenting them, encouraging them to speak about themselves, sharing the most sacred moments and memories.... among many other things…The other individual will always have the advantage to ‘choose’. Does this mean that the person who is smitten is an ‘idiot’. Not really! He/She is what I call the ‘Angel Investor’ in the relationship. Expectations are clear…but is there a guarantee it will fly ‘not really. But still, they take the ‘leap of faith’. On the other hand, the other party is what I call ‘Opportunist’. Now how different are both of them and how would you know as an “Angel Investor’ when to pull out from this relationship before it bleeds you is very interesting.
You know when our Angel Investor (AI) sees some sort of spark in the ‘opportunist’ which he/she believes is worth pursuing that’s when they invest the three most important things – Time, emotions and monetary aspects. The AI doesn't look for any reasons to delay, default or for that matter event be stingy to spend these three things on the relationship they wish to nurture. On the other had the Opportunist has honestly nothing to lose. They know that the basic headache is that of the AI as their investment is at stake. They will go with the flow. They get all their perks, salaries and if need be work a little to show that ‘the investment is worth something’. In many cases, both the parties work and nurture the relationship and the barter is always equal. In such cases, you will see a successful relationship. This usually culminates into a relationship where they believe in nurturing a family. In some cases, although both the parties put in equal efforts beyond a point they realise that their goals are different and being in this relationship will not keep either of them happy. Such couples part amicably i.e. equally sharing the profits and losses.
Now let’s move on to the most complicated issue. When the Angel Investor believes that this is a good investment and the Opportunist is just making hay while the sun shines. During this scenario, the AI invests wholeheartedly. The AI always makes time to meet ‘O’, is usually quite accommodating to understand the problems faced by ‘O’ for not delivering, meeting, responding or acknowledging. AI will always have that ‘one reason’ why they must invest. But the ‘O’ will have 10 reasons for not doing things. So how can the AI see the signs? Actions speak louder than words. Some motherhood statements are said for the ‘heck’ of it. They mean something.
First thumb rule. Engagement and conversations are key to a healthy relationship. ‘No one is too busy for a call or a chat’. Anyone who prefers keeping the communication gap and differences has not intentions of nurturing a relationship.
Updates. Now, this seems like a business term. But in relationships as well, when you look forward to sharing every aspect of your day, it means this person is looking up to you for advice, care and love. For this purpose, keeping in touch regularly is a must.
Knowing the key stakeholders. When someone introduces them to their close circle then it hints that you are important in their life. It means that the investment the AI has made is becoming an integral part of their life.
Accountability. Now, this is a tricky one. The ‘O’ knows that ‘AI’ is actually convinced that the investment is good. But if ‘O’ says it’s their call, I will check if this suits me, I will take the shots, I am not accountable for any expectations or assumptions made by AI then this is a warning signal for the AI.
There could be multiple other signals but these are primary signals that you as an AI will need to watch out for. Investment of Time, emotions and money have to made very selectively. It has to be equal. There has to be a level of mindfulness at every step. If you feel that at any given point your self-respect and integrity are at stake…pull out.
As an AI there is a higher risk of losing your investment. The bigger danger is when you lose more than your investment. Hence see the signs and pull out immediately. If the ‘O’ realizes and tries to come back, you set the rules. If a single rule is breached walk out…never to turn back….it hurts and hurts bad….but when you walk with your head-up….you move on easily!