Confessions to my diary!

Dear Diary,

You are the only person who I can pour my heart to…you listen to me and understand me. As a matter of fact you even give me advice. So here’s my problem…

You like him. He likes you. But he doesn’t want to commit. He’s happy with the arrangement now. You taking the initiative, you listening to him, you fulfilling his wishes and fantasies, you spending your money, you planning, he relaxes, he resting since he ‘worked’ and last but not the least, you not asking him to spend time with you as you ‘understand’. Despite all this, he speaks to you ‘when he has time’. He meets you ‘when he has time’. He decides where to go and what to eat and so on and so forth.

So clearly from this, you feel that the MAN is demanding and the WOMAN here is a submissive good for nothing or should I say a prodigal woman. Now, this is where were women are so very wrong. In fact what we forget is that we stop being mindful of ourselves when we sacrifice things for people around us. It doesn’t matter if its your husband or boyfriend…do not forget ‘you’.

The funniest part is; despite all these when your H or BF starts ignoring you, you go out of the way to justify it. You will first check the traits of his sun sign and give the benefit of doubt. You will also check what to do to ensure that he is happy and also look for advice on how you need to react! If not then you will look at his workload, his schedule and justify why its ok for him not to call. Its ok for him not to respond. When it comes to clothes he would want you to cover your self up…but is ok ogling on other girls with skimpy clothes? Its ok for him to talk about his past relationships but it's not ok for you to even mention it. He will keep asking how has he been with you…and if you are mum…it means you are unappreciative. But when you ask him…and he doesn’t answer..it means ‘love and appreciation has to be felt’..better unsaid as it is pure! We usually put up with a lot of this rubbish and still end up forgiving them as we really want things to work…or rather it is expected from us as we are the ‘giving’ species.

The feeling of always being in fear of not to do something to upset him as he may leave forces you to do things you don’t want to is agonizing. The feeling of always being at the crossroads is scary. How to deal with it and what to do is a question no one can answer but yourself. Are you telling me that the quick fix is abstaining? If he has not kept in touch…let him be. I should stop stalking him? Never check his status, or check anything about him….like the last time he was online…his social media updates…nothing?… I think it will be super tough the first day…by the end of the 3^rd day…I will be super sorted?

Wow, dear diary…that seems like a doable thing…I agree with you that what is yours will come back to you and will stay!

4 signs that you need to moveon…business analysis of relationships

I am not a relationship expert. But sometimes when I look at people around me, I ask myself questions….when I can see it…why can’t they? I am sure that people will say the same things about me as well.

To give you a perspective, let's talk about the signs whether the person you like is into you? It will probably help you see things clearly and save yourself from some agony.

They say men are from mars and women are from venus. But to be honest, when you are in love or in a relationship or just having a fling, your mindset is never gender bias. When two individuals meet, one person's heart always beats faster than the other. Now that basically means, the person whose heart beats faster will always take that extra effort to be closer to the other person. Finer things like greeting the person the first thing in the morning, checking on them, complimenting them, encouraging them to speak about themselves, sharing the most sacred moments and memories.... among many other things…The other individual will always have the advantage to ‘choose’. Does this mean that the person who is smitten is an ‘idiot’. Not really!  He/She is what I call the ‘Angel Investor’ in the relationship. Expectations are clear…but is there a guarantee it will fly ‘not really. But still, they take the ‘leap of faith’. On the other hand, the other party is what I call ‘Opportunist’. Now how different are both of them and how would you know as an “Angel Investor’ when to pull out from this relationship before it bleeds you is very interesting.

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You know when our Angel Investor (AI) sees some sort of spark in the ‘opportunist’ which he/she believes is worth pursuing that’s when they invest the three most important things – Time, emotions and monetary aspects. The AI doesn't look for any reasons to delay, default or for that matter event be stingy to spend these three things on the relationship they wish to nurture. On the other had the Opportunist has honestly nothing to lose. They know that the basic headache is that of the AI as their investment is at stake. They will go with the flow. They get all their perks, salaries and if need be work a little to show that ‘the investment is worth something’. In many cases, both the parties work and nurture the relationship and the barter is always equal. In such cases, you will see a successful relationship. This usually culminates into a relationship where they believe in nurturing a family. In some cases, although both the parties put in equal efforts beyond a point they realise that their goals are different and being in this relationship will not keep either of them happy. Such couples part amicably i.e. equally sharing the profits and losses.

Now let’s move on to the most complicated issue. When the Angel Investor believes that this is a good investment and the Opportunist is just making hay while the sun shines. During this scenario, the AI invests wholeheartedly. The AI always makes time to meet ‘O’, is usually quite accommodating to understand the problems faced by ‘O’ for not delivering, meeting, responding or acknowledging. AI will always have that ‘one reason’ why they must invest. But the ‘O’ will have 10 reasons for not doing things. So how can the AI see the signs? Actions speak louder than words. Some motherhood statements are said for the ‘heck’ of it. They mean something.

First thumb rule. Engagement and conversations are key to a healthy relationship. ‘No one is too busy for a call or a chat’. Anyone who prefers keeping the communication gap and differences has not intentions of nurturing a relationship.

Updates. Now, this seems like a business term. But in relationships as well, when you look forward to sharing every aspect of your day, it means this person is looking up to you for advice, care and love. For this purpose, keeping in touch regularly is a must.

Knowing the key stakeholders. When someone introduces them to their close circle then it hints that you are important in their life. It means that the investment the AI has made is becoming an integral part of their life.

Accountability. Now, this is a tricky one. The ‘O’ knows that ‘AI’ is actually convinced that the investment is good. But if ‘O’ says it’s their call, I will check if this suits me, I will take the shots, I am not accountable for any expectations or assumptions made by AI then this is a warning signal for the AI.

There could be multiple other signals but these are primary signals that you as an AI will need to watch out for. Investment of Time, emotions and money have to made very selectively. It has to be equal. There has to be a level of mindfulness at every step. If you feel that at any given point your self-respect and integrity are at stake…pull out.

As an AI there is a higher risk of losing your investment. The bigger danger is when you lose more than your investment. Hence see the signs and pull out immediately. If the ‘O’ realizes and tries to come back, you set the rules. If a single rule is breached walk out…never to turn back….it hurts and hurts bad….but when you walk with your head-up….you move on easily!

Growing up!

One day we just cross paths, destiny is what I thought

Flawless English and good orator, can take this forward I thought

We spoke, we spoke again, its nice to finally meet a person you can converse with I thought

Then we became a part of each other’s day, it’s a good feeling I thought

You warned me, don’t have expectations, I don’t have at the moment I thought

Meeting was great, super bonding, what’s the harm in taking the leap of faith I thought

Days went by, our bonding grew, hey its nice we are getting to know each other I thought

Met your friends and family, maybe he really likes me I thought

Shared his every problem and predicament with me, he trusts me I thought

Worked through his tough times hand in hand, I like him I thought

He appreciated every small aspect of my contribution, he loves me I thought

Stops doing the small things he used to do, he’s too tensed with his work I thought

Spoke lesser every day, he is too busy I thought

Didn’t speak for few days in a row, moms unwell so he’s tensed I thought

Stopped speaking, subtly its over but I need closure I thought

Never responds to any message, he wants to say in person I thought

Met him personally, didn’t show any remorse, Coward I realized

A lesson well learnt I thought

All that shines is not gold I realized

Destiny will make you cross paths with people who will leave you in a lurch

You need to keep your chin up and move on I realized

Life is too short, learn the lesson, grow-up!

Different versions of your Valentine….!!

The Human life cycle is very unique. The whole concept of love changes with time.

There is a point in time when your sibling getting a slightly bigger piece of cake makes you feel that your parents love you less. When your sibling speaks to his/her friend makes you think they love you less everything revolves around your family. Then comes a phase when ‘that look’ ‘that smile’ ‘that attention’ matters the most in the world. It’s that ‘first time’ love experience that matters the most over and above your family and friends. At this point in time, if it blossoms it’s like the world is at your feet and if it crumbles it’s your first heart break…..which for some is easier to get over and for some it’s an itch for life!

As much as the stage of your teens is usually when you first experience love, which actually are all those wretched hormones playing their games, I personally believe it’s the purest form of unconditional love. Worst part of

Source:Google Images

this period is that you are ready to put up all the possible quirks of your valentine. That is why I believe that people marrying and having a lovely life with their childhood sweethearts are the luckiest. Having survived all the stages is indeed a blessing.

The next stage of your 20’s is quite tricky. That’s when you are mentally still a kid, a carefree person, full of energy, but you are expected to grow up! Look for a job, be responsible among other worldly pressures imposed on you. During this period, you look for a person who is smart, dynamic, adventitious, go-getter, talkative and so called ‘full of life’.  Everything about this person has to be about the perception he/she creates about themselves in their circle. Usually you will find people blending better with their workplace mates. The common belief is since I spend so much time with them, they know me. They understand me. We share similar interests. Thus, when you meet someone like this, and you are under family pressure you think, hey since I spend time with this person, I think I like him…how much will it take to love him…ya…maybe after marriage I will love him…afterall marriage is all about knowing each other more…..Valentines day at this stage is all about holidays, partying, boozing, hooping party places, pubbing, clubbing etc.

The next stage is your 30’s when you are mentally and financially stronger. A person who knows their priorities and preference. A person who has a clear idea about their ‘valentine’. At this stage, a girl looks out for a person who will respect, her, give her the freedom she needs, give her a comfortable life and enforce his likes & dislikes on her. A guy will look for a woman who can share the responsibility, be independent, be more responsible and look good. Valentine’s day at this stage will mean partying at the best places, sit down dinners, holidaying, diamonds, boozing and clubbing. Usually your valentine is a person who is hot and super fun to be with.

The next stage is your 40’s when you are event more stronger mentally and financially but most importantly you are extremely practical. Your threshold to listen to gibberish & nonsense is limited. You prefer being with someone who you can have meaningful conversations, you look for a person who can sees into your soul. You look at people who enjoy the serenity of nature, the serendipity of falling in love with your immaterial personality, understand conversations, have fun but in moderation, enjoy soul searching and last but not the least, make sure you have your individuality! Valentines day at this stage will mean, giving a tight hug and an outing at a cozy place or what better than your house!  If its an outing, its usually to a place where there will be soft music in the background, good food, wine and some diamonds to bring some sparkle in the eyes of your lady love.

In your 50s’ if you have the same zeal, you will re-live your 40s’ here. Nothing much changes until you are 58. But honestly, the moment you take steps closer to your 60’s you just want to appreciate your better half or just become extremely critical of your partner. Your valentine will be the person you love to argue, fight, mother, care, smother with love, and relive the life of caring for your kids which now is none other than your better half. Your Valentines day is usually sitting next to each other looking at the sunset, sipping a cup of hot tea and munching some biscuits. Talking away to glory about how time passes by and how you are blessed to have each other. How you would’ve done things a little different or how would have life been if they were not in your life…….and that my dear friend is the true Valentine that our soul searches right from the first time we experience love. We never realize that the true person who has seen our soul, who has accepted us with our quirks….just like how our parents did when we were kids, just like we loved our parents despite all the scolding…..unconditional and pure!