Confessions to my diary!

Dear Diary,

You are the only person who I can pour my heart to…you listen to me and understand me. As a matter of fact you even give me advice. So here’s my problem…

You like him. He likes you. But he doesn’t want to commit. He’s happy with the arrangement now. You taking the initiative, you listening to him, you fulfilling his wishes and fantasies, you spending your money, you planning, he relaxes, he resting since he ‘worked’ and last but not the least, you not asking him to spend time with you as you ‘understand’. Despite all this, he speaks to you ‘when he has time’. He meets you ‘when he has time’. He decides where to go and what to eat and so on and so forth.

So clearly from this, you feel that the MAN is demanding and the WOMAN here is a submissive good for nothing or should I say a prodigal woman. Now, this is where were women are so very wrong. In fact what we forget is that we stop being mindful of ourselves when we sacrifice things for people around us. It doesn’t matter if its your husband or boyfriend…do not forget ‘you’.

The funniest part is; despite all these when your H or BF starts ignoring you, you go out of the way to justify it. You will first check the traits of his sun sign and give the benefit of doubt. You will also check what to do to ensure that he is happy and also look for advice on how you need to react! If not then you will look at his workload, his schedule and justify why its ok for him not to call. Its ok for him not to respond. When it comes to clothes he would want you to cover your self up…but is ok ogling on other girls with skimpy clothes? Its ok for him to talk about his past relationships but it's not ok for you to even mention it. He will keep asking how has he been with you…and if you are mum…it means you are unappreciative. But when you ask him…and he doesn’t answer..it means ‘love and appreciation has to be felt’..better unsaid as it is pure! We usually put up with a lot of this rubbish and still end up forgiving them as we really want things to work…or rather it is expected from us as we are the ‘giving’ species.

The feeling of always being in fear of not to do something to upset him as he may leave forces you to do things you don’t want to is agonizing. The feeling of always being at the crossroads is scary. How to deal with it and what to do is a question no one can answer but yourself. Are you telling me that the quick fix is abstaining? If he has not kept in touch…let him be. I should stop stalking him? Never check his status, or check anything about him….like the last time he was online…his social media updates…nothing?… I think it will be super tough the first day…by the end of the 3^rd day…I will be super sorted?

Wow, dear diary…that seems like a doable thing…I agree with you that what is yours will come back to you and will stay!

4 signs that you need to moveon…business analysis of relationships

I am not a relationship expert. But sometimes when I look at people around me, I ask myself questions….when I can see it…why can’t they? I am sure that people will say the same things about me as well.

To give you a perspective, let's talk about the signs whether the person you like is into you? It will probably help you see things clearly and save yourself from some agony.

They say men are from mars and women are from venus. But to be honest, when you are in love or in a relationship or just having a fling, your mindset is never gender bias. When two individuals meet, one person's heart always beats faster than the other. Now that basically means, the person whose heart beats faster will always take that extra effort to be closer to the other person. Finer things like greeting the person the first thing in the morning, checking on them, complimenting them, encouraging them to speak about themselves, sharing the most sacred moments and memories.... among many other things…The other individual will always have the advantage to ‘choose’. Does this mean that the person who is smitten is an ‘idiot’. Not really!  He/She is what I call the ‘Angel Investor’ in the relationship. Expectations are clear…but is there a guarantee it will fly ‘not really. But still, they take the ‘leap of faith’. On the other hand, the other party is what I call ‘Opportunist’. Now how different are both of them and how would you know as an “Angel Investor’ when to pull out from this relationship before it bleeds you is very interesting.

                                               Source:Google Images

You know when our Angel Investor (AI) sees some sort of spark in the ‘opportunist’ which he/she believes is worth pursuing that’s when they invest the three most important things – Time, emotions and monetary aspects. The AI doesn't look for any reasons to delay, default or for that matter event be stingy to spend these three things on the relationship they wish to nurture. On the other had the Opportunist has honestly nothing to lose. They know that the basic headache is that of the AI as their investment is at stake. They will go with the flow. They get all their perks, salaries and if need be work a little to show that ‘the investment is worth something’. In many cases, both the parties work and nurture the relationship and the barter is always equal. In such cases, you will see a successful relationship. This usually culminates into a relationship where they believe in nurturing a family. In some cases, although both the parties put in equal efforts beyond a point they realise that their goals are different and being in this relationship will not keep either of them happy. Such couples part amicably i.e. equally sharing the profits and losses.

Now let’s move on to the most complicated issue. When the Angel Investor believes that this is a good investment and the Opportunist is just making hay while the sun shines. During this scenario, the AI invests wholeheartedly. The AI always makes time to meet ‘O’, is usually quite accommodating to understand the problems faced by ‘O’ for not delivering, meeting, responding or acknowledging. AI will always have that ‘one reason’ why they must invest. But the ‘O’ will have 10 reasons for not doing things. So how can the AI see the signs? Actions speak louder than words. Some motherhood statements are said for the ‘heck’ of it. They mean something.

First thumb rule. Engagement and conversations are key to a healthy relationship. ‘No one is too busy for a call or a chat’. Anyone who prefers keeping the communication gap and differences has not intentions of nurturing a relationship.

Updates. Now, this seems like a business term. But in relationships as well, when you look forward to sharing every aspect of your day, it means this person is looking up to you for advice, care and love. For this purpose, keeping in touch regularly is a must.

Knowing the key stakeholders. When someone introduces them to their close circle then it hints that you are important in their life. It means that the investment the AI has made is becoming an integral part of their life.

Accountability. Now, this is a tricky one. The ‘O’ knows that ‘AI’ is actually convinced that the investment is good. But if ‘O’ says it’s their call, I will check if this suits me, I will take the shots, I am not accountable for any expectations or assumptions made by AI then this is a warning signal for the AI.

There could be multiple other signals but these are primary signals that you as an AI will need to watch out for. Investment of Time, emotions and money have to made very selectively. It has to be equal. There has to be a level of mindfulness at every step. If you feel that at any given point your self-respect and integrity are at stake…pull out.

As an AI there is a higher risk of losing your investment. The bigger danger is when you lose more than your investment. Hence see the signs and pull out immediately. If the ‘O’ realizes and tries to come back, you set the rules. If a single rule is breached walk out…never to turn back….it hurts and hurts bad….but when you walk with your head-up….you move on easily!