Hope....

Marrying a person who loves me, having a home, nurturing a child within me and bringing them to this world, nurturing them and having my own family has been my sole ‘want’ in life. Having got everything else but this in life often makes feel very low. The void is something I can never fathom and the fear of leading a lonely life often runs a shudder through my spine. The question that keeps pounding the door of my life is ‘Is time running out?’ ‘Has is already run out?’ ‘Is there Hope??’

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Many years back when I used to give teach kids, I used ensure that I teach students often referred to as ‘Hopeless cases’ which meant that there was no chance of them passing. I used to focus on boosting their confidence and always ensured that they pass. To a certain extent I was successful. Today when I meet them it feels good to see a confident & successful young person who was otherwise a subdued individual. It feels good that I managed to make ‘some difference’ in someone’s life.  Today when they thank me and share that I ‘did’ make a difference in their lives it makes me feel nurturing need not always be limited to your child. Nurturing people who need your help when no one else does is also worthwhile. It gives me hope that if I have genuinely done good in my life...good will come to me!

When I started working, I passed on the same sentiment. Over the years when my juniors ‘then’ come back to me saying ‘yes’ you did make a difference in my life…the feel good factor gives me hope. On the brighter side, there have been people in my life who have constantly been the pillars of my life. They have shown me that life is not always about ‘being in a relationship’ its about ‘being in the right relationship’. My focus often is on ensuring that every relationship I am with my family and friends are meaningful and I truly believe and want to be in them. Seeking happiness in others happiness and being with them when they want me gives me a sense of completeness.

Being around kids, seeing their innocence, playing with them gives me the feeling of overcoming the void. Seeing the sun rise everyday after a long dark night, seeing a bud bloom into a flower, seeing a bee collect honey every day, seeing a child learning to walk after constantly falling makes me belive that my ‘want’ from life will be fulfilled. Its god’s way of ensuring that it came at the right time…that’s the Hope my life is clinging on too! 

Lovers meet but never mate!

They say love is a heart thing! When you know this is the person, a nerve in your heart simply stretches or relaxes for you to know Oh! I did feel something for him/her. Am I in Love? You must have come across people in your life fitting the description of your perfect match or should I say you would love to LOVE!. But…and there is a big BUT…you never end up spending the rest of your life with him/her. They just become the past...maybe a good or bad memory. I often think, if they were never meant to be then why god destines for us to us cross paths with them. Why did he show us a mirage that we could never have. Ideally, if this is the so-called perfect person at the surface who actually is a horrendous chap inside, it would have been a happy realization to ‘not have been with him/her’. But, if that is not the case, then why does god create this destiny where this person moves far and I mean very far from you. He/she seems like the moon, which brings light into the darkness of the night..but when reality hits, you simply can’t see it.

They say as you grow older your preferences change. And what are these so called preferences, wealth, persona, intelligence, physical appearances, pleasure, enjoyment..and many others. Surprisingly, every time your preferences change, you do cross paths with this perfect person.  However at that point, he/she seems unreachable. Worst sometimes you say something so foolish that even if he/she considers you, you blow the entire relationship, which could blossom into something beautiful.  I guess a case worst than this is you meet the person when you are sitting with the person you have decided to commit you life you. The dilemma you go through cannot be fathomed. The mental and emotional trauma is inevitable. What do you do then? Leave the person you know since a long time who may not be your lover but will be your mate through thick and thin? Or tell your heart, he/she may be my lover at the face of it but I am not sure. I’d rather be with the person who ‘I know in my head’ will lead the way when I am direction less, will give a shoulder to cry when I am distressed, will wipe my tears when I am in sorrow, will understand my needs even when I don’t share it. The conflict inside you will continue until eternity. However, you will never tend to get the answer. On the other hand, I have seen people who know that this person is right for me but never really have the courage to walk up to them and say that they do. The only fear is ‘rejection’. But, is rejection the only reason? It could be ‘ego’ ‘inferiority complex’ or sheer incapability to express their views. Sad part is no one really thinks about it and simple let the opportunity pass away. Luck are those people who marry the person they love, unlucky are those whose love ‘evaporates’ once they are committed.  But how would you categorise first those people who never accept or worst don’t know that ‘this is the person who I love’ and second those who don’t pay heed to the feelings of the people who they love simply because they have some fears that they cannot overcome.  It could be a bad experience or some preconceived notion. They never want to give that second chance and simple live at the mercy of fate. If they knew somehow that reciprocation is also ‘love’ there could be a chance of a beautiful tomorrow for them. Wonder when we sit at the prime of our life, would we be lucky enough to have that one person sitting next to us who we know is our lover. But we all know….there are only Ifs and Buts …since most of the time - lovers meet but never mate!

Eye for an eye tooth for a tooth….

Remember the ancient situation, you are of marriageable age but unmarried, it seems like the whole world has only one question to ask. ‘When are you getting married?’. In my situation though, the questions are much worse than you can imagine. ‘Do you want to get married?’’What? other than your career is there anything else on your mind, how about marriage?’’Are! enough now get married’. The most hilarious one was ’Hope you like guys?’.Fed up with these questions, I decided to go on an ignore mode sometimes or simply smile and walk away.
There is one such incident though that has edged in my mind since I realized that I could really speak some sizzling hot words such it would seem that the other person is struck by lightening. One day when I was returning back from work I met this lady who I know. She was chatting with some other ladies and happened to see me from the corner of her eye. I thought it would be best to evade these gossip mongers. But and a big BUT…this lady intercepted me and asked the wretched question. What? You don’t want to get married or what? you don’t want to get married or what? Age doesn’t wait for anyone, don’t keep too many reservations or else ‘gaadi nikal jayegi’. Now this lady whose daughter was in a live-in relationship, got knocked up and then got married had the obesity to ask me this question. With lightening speed, I replied, ‘What to do aunty? I don’t have the guts like some girls have to get into a live-in and deliver a 8 pound healthy baby six months after my marriage. Gosh you should have seen her face. It was like lightning struck her. Never again did she ever ask me that question. I know that my reaction was a topsy-turvy version of my upbringing, but when someone gives you a wound and rubs salt-n-pepper on it, the reaction is natural.
This was by-far the fieriest answer I have given anyone!

Happy with my Single Status!

One thing that has always bothered me is why people are so interested in others personal life? Most probable questions you encounter with ; if you are single, when are you getting married?, if you are married – Oh! When are you giving us some good news?, if you have one child, when are you planning for the second?, if you have two girls, when are you giving a brother to your kids? If you are divorced, how are you planning to spend the rest of your life without a spouse? By the most hilarious questions asked to me is ‘Why such a beautiful girl is unmarried? You like guys right or is there a problem? Believe me in my mind I was virtually rolling on the floor laughing.
I am sure most of the unmarried girls my age face the same trauma day in and out with neighbors & relatives hovering around their lives. It often crosses my mind that why it so difficult for people to fathom the fact that a girl can lead a self sufficient & financially independent life without a boyfriend, husband, brother or father. She can really be happy! I agree that you need some emotional support but that is why you have families and friends. Why is getting married considered the only and ultimate goal for a woman to be happy and ‘SECURED’. Although I believe in the constitution of marriage, it is difficult to digest that you end-up spending the rest of your life with a person simply because your biological clock is ticking. It makes more sense to wait, fall in love and mentally accept a relationship. You will be amazed how everything falls in place like a jigsaw puzzle.
You know there are a many advantages of staying single. Simple things like reading a book and sipping coffee at a café by yourself, walking in the rain without your shoes on, going for a long drive or treks, shopping, hanging out with your friends could bring you an immense sense of happiness. How many times do you get to spend time for yourself when you are in relationship? I mean think about it. You don’t have to be answerable for your whereabouts, the clothes you wear or mood swings. You don’t have to constantly bother about looking beautiful. Just imagine your life without any social obligations. Is’nt it absolute BLISS! This is what my life is at present and am professing that I am truly happy with my single status.
I often tell my friends that your status on facebook should always be ‘Single and ready to mingle’. Cheers!